The tapestry from underneath

It has been said that our lives, as messy, unpredictable and downright ugly as they can get at times are to be viewed like the underside of a tapestry. Although seemingly senseless when viewed from the underside, when one has the proper perspective & looks down on it from above a beautiful picture is slowly being weaved. All it takes is the right perspective.

Such I tell myself when I think on my life. When I turned 19, my life looked as such; I wasn’t wanting to ever have kids or marry but to work as a missionary in Russia. A marriage, 6 moves & 2 kids in 3 years, an abusive husband and then a divorce, going to school full-time while being an unsupported single mother and remarrying within 2 years only to deal with many other issues in my current marriage I won’t mention here and having to deal with my x-husband being in and out of my daughters lives while having 2 more girls weren’t exactly what I signed up for. Whew. What a horrible, run-on sentence.

So what did I sign up for? Simply, I signed up to be a servant of Christ. I’ve heard that the term “slave” is actually more of an accurate translation –however we veer away from that don’t we? Slave has a poor connotation –one associated with with lowliness and not a trace of pride. So, I signed up to be a slave to Jesus, to be willing, all the days of my life to be transformed one tiny bit at a time into His likeness for His glory, to further His Kingdom –not my own. And I have learned to trust that He knows what circumstances in my life are needed to effect that change.

I understand that some of where I am at is due to simple actions & consequences however I have had a lot more thrown at me than that. All to make me in the image of Christ. And, looking back, I am beginning to see things from the upside. Not that all is behind me, but that I am starting to see things really from a Heavenly perspective and have Romans 8:28 in me, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.”

I am starting to see that I can relate to those who are alone and broken and going through “stuff” in their lives. And I am beginning to love it. In Matthew 5:14-15 the Bible says, “You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand and it gives light to everyone in the house.” I as a sinner saved by grace, want to be that light to our world. It’s a dark, hopeless place. The people I find I am drawn to are not wealthy or have everything in order, but Jesus came for the sick, not the healthy. It’s truly amazing how much I have changed.

I still believe the Lord has put a calling on my life & on John’s life. The past year has been a testament to the power of listening to the Lord’s timing and being patient for Him. Last Sept, I started homeschooling Eva & Grace. At this point they were with their dad & step-mom half the time and she did half the schooling.  A couple of times throughout the year circumstances arose at which I had good, legit grounds to  take my x-husband to court and attain primary care of the girls again. It would have been much better for them as things were rough at their other house but I didn’t have His Peace with doing that. So I trusted & waited and missed them more and more. Then this past July circumstances with my x-husband changed and the girls have been living with me since July 11. Their father has also willingly signed over full custody to me. I am so thankful I waited on Him to be my deliverer. I literally have had the girls given to me. How beautiful.  It has also taught be powerful lessons in praying for those who oppose me and forgiveness. It’s also taught me a lot about having a Jesus attitude.

Since the end of winter I have felt that the “winds of change” as I call them are with us. I don’t know what that means or how it will affect us, but I can’t help if this change with Grace & Eva coming to live with us full-time is part of that. All know is that John and I are willing to go where He will lead.