In the eye of Hurricane Life

Life keeps going by at a dizzying speed. Clean, school, cook, activities, making time for husband & each child, reading -it’s a hurricane, but one I am slowly learning to manage. I am The Queen of Unfulfilled Schedules. I don’t know how many chore, allowance, homeschool or other types of charts, schedules & Excel spreadsheets I have made in the past few years. I want something that works, so I am constantly improving, seeing what doesn’t work, what does & trying to make those changes. Unfortunately that makes for a lot of failed attempts. Although I have tried quite a few good ideas, I have found that their doom lies in the inconsistency I get sleep-wise. Now that Jana is 19 mos. & sleeping through the night, I feel like I am finally making headway & able to try again –for real this time :)

 

My biggest challenge has always been keeping things clean. This is compounded by living in 40yr. old house (that  has been under constant renovation since we moved in 5 years ago), having 1 decrepit bathroom that never looks like you clean it  even if you do & the fact that I really wasn’t taught how to keep house in my younger years. Keep house?? What, are you from the 40’s? Well no -maybe the title of Home Manager sounds a little more modern -& applicable too. I recently read the book “Large Family Logistics” by Kim Brenneman. Although I disagree with some of what she has said, I have found a lot of wisdom in this book. One of the things said that struck me was that during the launch of the feminine movement women were so busy exploring their new freedoms that they never learned how to do the basics –keep a household running smoothly, particularly with a large family.  I tend to think that there is an element of truth to this. Mind you a lot more women work outside the home now, therefore creating a whole new dynamic in the division of labour & expectations. That being said, I also know a number of women who really do seem to be on the ball and have a handle on the whole home management thing. I know for myself, I feel like I am forever playing a loosing game of whack-a-mole. My goal isn’t to have a clean house all the time or laundry that’s ironed to a tee or bookshelves that are dust free. My goals lie in what having a house that is somewhat managed allow me to do –it frees me of some stress, wasting time, bugging my kids & husband to do things, allows me to have people over more frequently & hopefully get out of the house more often! I also hope it serves in an unspoken way to let my husband know I love him & appreciate how he gets up early every morning and busts his tail at work for us as well as to give him a place he can relax..

Back to the book. I have been roughly what Kim Brenneman suggests, but in her book she just defined things for me.  She assigns each day a major task, breaking it down into manageable little tasks. Sounds simple. It really worked for me thus far –all of 3 days! The key is not to get distracted, something I think we all struggle with. It’s been good, because being wired to be task oriented as I am I am so busy trying to check off this list that I don’t have time to spend checking my emails excessively, or FB-ing or even snacking….

The way I tend to implement things in our home is that I have an expectation that everyone will be involved, I have a plan of attack so to speak & I delegate & talk with both the kids and John about things (You can see on the chore list below there are things even Ally -5- can do). It’s unreasonable to expect that I alone will be responsible for everything. I have also found meal planning (particularly crockpots!) SO helpful & cost effective. Menu planning as well. I know a lot of these things are common, but they really do work!

Something else that this book hit home with was the way I interact and teach my kids. Is my short words, my temper honoring to God & my family? If I am lazy, slovenly or disrespectful to my kids or their dad they will see that & emulate that behaviour. Well, the book doesn’t actually say that but it got me thinking Most of the time, no. I really got off track with teaching them, my goals need to be character development primarily, knowledge second. 

It was really motivating to hear that she can get all her kids up & going & helping! Surely I can do it with mine! As a Christian women, I recognize that my husband is the leader in our household (although we are equals) but just as important is that I am a leader in the area of home management; of my kids during the day, of finances, of things getting done. I set the tone for the day & when he gets home. In the past week and a half I've started getting up early with John so I can be properly prepared for the day and am finding it's making a huge difference. Anyways, it is Wednesday, & I started on Monday, so we’ll see how things go for the next couple of weeks!

Here are some of websites that I have found to be resourceful in a number of areas:

Large Family Logistics website

Duggar Family Homepage

Allrecipes.com 

Beauty...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezLzRRsBeUA&feature=related 

 This video really hit home for me. It reminded me of the bubble we in the west especially live in. I don’t even think I know the cultural depths, that the importance of appearance & what one has to attribute to that appearance runs. It has always bothered me. It is true that God does look at the heart and judges it within. Why is so difficult for us?

 Satan has done a very good job in keeping Christians in the west pre-occupied with appearance. I believe that we need to take care of ourselves and present ourselves well, but to what extent? If our life mission is to see His Kingdom come we should be pouring our resources into that -not us. Sacrifice is required. It’s so easy to become us-focused.

More to the women out there.......

 The amount we, as women spend on hair, nails, tanning, spa treatments, new clothes, shoes and accessories is more than likely a great deal more than what the average Christian woman tithes. Or gives to the poor, or gives to supporting indigenous missionaries in other countries. We have forgotten that the true thing that sets us apart is supposed to be our willingness to give up ourselves, our pride in our appearance and replace that with true reliance on our King.

  In 1 Peter 3:1-6 it says, “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewellery and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For in this way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. “

Wow, what an anti-cultural message. I can just see people cringing. 

First of all, be submissive? What? Calling your husband a master? That sounds so derogatory, how will I get respect if I submit? What if my husband walks all over me? Phil 2:5, “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus who.......made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death –even death on a cross!” Yes, not being a doormat, but healthy submission is Christlike. After all, our goal is to be more like Christ, right? Not more respected or being a right-fighter.  As women, we often forget our  true identity lies in Christ.

 Secondly, I have heard that as long as women don’t rely on the “braided hair and the wearing of gold jewellery and fine clothes” but still wear them anyways with that awareness it’s ok. Don’t get me wrong here, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting a fashionable haircut or earrings or clothes that don’t have holes in them is wrong. My point is that when the money we spend and the time we spend obtaining these things superceeds the time we spend devoting ourselves to the work of Christ, to time in prayer, to volunteering, to pouring ourselves out for His causes than there’s a problem. When we justify spending obscene amount of money on clothing yet hundreds of thousands are starving from famine as is the case right now in the African Horn countries right now I have a problem with that. And I think if you look at how Jesus asks us to live our lives He does to.  I think we believe the lie that the $100 or the $50 won’t make a difference but it does. We also believe the lie that we can’t feel free to share our faith if we don’t look a certain way. We have forgotten about reliance on the Holy Spirit.  As ambassadors of Christ our job is to point people to Christ through the power of His Holy Spirit and we don’t need to be looking our best to do that.

The next bit of this passage is one I have a problem with. Those of you who know me will know that I am neither quiet or gentle. I have struggled with this for a long time and I have come to accept that Christ has not made me that way for a reason. I think that this gentle and quiet spirit that this passage talks about is again being able to emulate the attitude of Christ. To be in consistant prayer and in the habit of spending good, regular time with Jesus. From this I discover I am not so harsh, judging and my words are more constructive, not destructive. I am more loving and relational to people; I don’t take offense so easily, my walls don’t go up as fast, I am more quick to forgive.  I am more open to the promptings of the Spirit. Please bear in mind that reading this that I have not done any studies or the like on this passage, it’s simply the conclusion I have come to based on my time with my maker. I could, and probably am, missing out on things.

So, an offensive blog? Probably to some. I find that if I offend no one I am usually off the mark in what I have written. 

Sarah & Abraham

The tapestry from underneath

It has been said that our lives, as messy, unpredictable and downright ugly as they can get at times are to be viewed like the underside of a tapestry. Although seemingly senseless when viewed from the underside, when one has the proper perspective & looks down on it from above a beautiful picture is slowly being weaved. All it takes is the right perspective.

Such I tell myself when I think on my life. When I turned 19, my life looked as such; I wasn’t wanting to ever have kids or marry but to work as a missionary in Russia. A marriage, 6 moves & 2 kids in 3 years, an abusive husband and then a divorce, going to school full-time while being an unsupported single mother and remarrying within 2 years only to deal with many other issues in my current marriage I won’t mention here and having to deal with my x-husband being in and out of my daughters lives while having 2 more girls weren’t exactly what I signed up for. Whew. What a horrible, run-on sentence.

So what did I sign up for? Simply, I signed up to be a servant of Christ. I’ve heard that the term “slave” is actually more of an accurate translation –however we veer away from that don’t we? Slave has a poor connotation –one associated with with lowliness and not a trace of pride. So, I signed up to be a slave to Jesus, to be willing, all the days of my life to be transformed one tiny bit at a time into His likeness for His glory, to further His Kingdom –not my own. And I have learned to trust that He knows what circumstances in my life are needed to effect that change.

I understand that some of where I am at is due to simple actions & consequences however I have had a lot more thrown at me than that. All to make me in the image of Christ. And, looking back, I am beginning to see things from the upside. Not that all is behind me, but that I am starting to see things really from a Heavenly perspective and have Romans 8:28 in me, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.”

I am starting to see that I can relate to those who are alone and broken and going through “stuff” in their lives. And I am beginning to love it. In Matthew 5:14-15 the Bible says, “You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand and it gives light to everyone in the house.” I as a sinner saved by grace, want to be that light to our world. It’s a dark, hopeless place. The people I find I am drawn to are not wealthy or have everything in order, but Jesus came for the sick, not the healthy. It’s truly amazing how much I have changed.

I still believe the Lord has put a calling on my life & on John’s life. The past year has been a testament to the power of listening to the Lord’s timing and being patient for Him. Last Sept, I started homeschooling Eva & Grace. At this point they were with their dad & step-mom half the time and she did half the schooling.  A couple of times throughout the year circumstances arose at which I had good, legit grounds to  take my x-husband to court and attain primary care of the girls again. It would have been much better for them as things were rough at their other house but I didn’t have His Peace with doing that. So I trusted & waited and missed them more and more. Then this past July circumstances with my x-husband changed and the girls have been living with me since July 11. Their father has also willingly signed over full custody to me. I am so thankful I waited on Him to be my deliverer. I literally have had the girls given to me. How beautiful.  It has also taught be powerful lessons in praying for those who oppose me and forgiveness. It’s also taught me a lot about having a Jesus attitude.

Since the end of winter I have felt that the “winds of change” as I call them are with us. I don’t know what that means or how it will affect us, but I can’t help if this change with Grace & Eva coming to live with us full-time is part of that. All know is that John and I are willing to go where He will lead.

Rediscovering the Art of Doing Nothing

I’m the type of person who always likes to be busy. I need to keep moving, keep doing, keep planning or plotting and scheming of the next project.  While that can be a good trait and keep me motivated it has one major drawback; it prevents me from living in the moment. The here & now. After all, that’s all Jesus  said we can count on . And that’s also why it’s so important to obey the promptings of His Spirit    -because there might not be that tomorrow. Not necessarily that He will return tomorrow but that the opportunities to do what He is asking may not be there. On Monday morning, after awaking from a fairly decent sleep I said, “God, I have my to do list but what would you have me do?” Almost immediately it was on my heart to go over to a neighbour’s for coffee. Now, Thursday evening, it remains undone. It has been on my heart & in my mind all week. Now why haven’t I done it? Not sure, the busyness I guess. Have to clean house, have to spend good time with kids. Sounds lame to me though. I mean, if the LORD Almighty puts something on my heart & keeps it there surely that must mean He has a plan for things that I simply need to trust in & be obedient. How can I say I devote my life to Christ if I am so busy planning things, projects, extra-curriculars for the kids, etc., etc., that I don’t have the time or energy to be open to His plans? I mean, what if He has all this stuff I could be doing except I am too busy being busy & I drown it out? I miss out on life; true, spirit-led abundant life. In light of eternity does it matter so much if my kids are in piano, skating, gymnastics or whatever the choice is? I matters more that a) I invest in people’s lives & what His plan is & b) that I show & instil in my kids the value of people, of stillness, of showing them that His plans are so exciting if we only let Him work through us!

Anyways, I digress. I say the art of doing nothing because I think to a point it’s something that needs to be developed....a discipline of sorts. I know that even when I rest I have something going on in the back burner of my mind....I think it’s a problem a lot of women have. It’s like the saying men have waffle boxes of thought & women’s are like spaghetti.  Men have a waffle box my husband & I call the “nothing box.” I am very pleased to say that this weekend when camping I found my “nothing strand!” It started nowhere and ended there as well. I laid on a sleeping bag by a creek when camping & stared at the sky & trees & who cares? The point was that I truly was thinking about nothing. It was like getting 8 hours of solid, deep sleep. I was able to come back to reality and was much happier for it. Our campsite was still dirty, the tent disorganized & dishes still in need of washing, but that was ok.

I realize that I can’t do that every day, but still, I need to be more intentional about just relaxing & enjoying the presence of the One who made me without feeling like I have something to do when I am done.

If it were only that easy...

Sabbath Rest

I’ve always wondered about the Sabbath. I think sometimes because Jesus said it was ok to do good on the Sabbath we have taken that as free licence to do whatever  -just try to not work at your actual job. This past winter I have tried to do crockpot meals on Sundays, to have everything done so it would feel like I “have it off.” It gave me the freedom to seek Him, to listen to the Spirit or spend time with my family because I was intentional about the things I wasn't going to do. If I truly believe that God gave us a day for Him, just for Him, a day our bodies, spirits and minds need to rest why isn’t my behaviour a reflection of that? What am I passing on to my kids? What do I want them to believe and see a Sabbath being?  I don’t want to sit and stare at a wall all day –that isn’t what I am talking about. More of being mindful of what I am doing and why -& ceasing if necessary. After all, at the end of the day the Lords wants my full submission to Him.

In a book I started reading today called, “The Rest of God.” Mark Buchanan says about working too much, “I was loosing perspective. Fissures in my character worked themselves here and there into cracks. Some widened into ruptures. I grew easily irritable, paranoid, bitter, self-righteous, gloomy. I was often argumentative. I preferred rightness to intimacy. I avoided and I withdrew. “ How true, how much of that is me at times......

The main point that I got from the book today was that I am working more and more I am actually accomplishing less. How true is this! That feels like my week exactly. So, since I read this in the morning, I actually laid down while my kids were out with a friend, took the dogs for a walk & read a bit. I didn’t do the list of jobs that I try to get done when the kids aren't around. I didn’t beat myself up. I tried to rest & feed my spirit. “Man cannot live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.” (Mt. 4:4). I need to re-learn that I cannot live on a clean house, a done chore list, etc., etc. It sounds to simple, so elementary, but in a day I need to be so deliberate or I just go from one thing to the next.  When I was growing up, my sister & I and  my parents did not have fun. We went huckleberry picking in isolation with the mosquitos or to a nearby leech infested “lake” to float around in an inner tube. All I can remember is work, work, work except for Sundays when we did nothing. That was boring, I would rather work. I need to change that natural tendancy to look for the next thing that needs to be done & start really putting effort into the relationships around me –as Jesus would do I think.

Today, my little hiatus this am paid off. The kids came home & I was able to accomplish quite a bit; bake, finish switching the girls rms around, cleaned the water cooler, painted Eva’s bed. So I did better, but sitting here, typing this, did I miss the point? Shouldn’t I have gone to my neighbour who is going through a tough time & has repeatedly asked me to come for coffee? Isn't it relationally I am trying to improve as well? Agghh....sometimes I drive myself crazy with high expectation.

Anyways, I will keep reading, I am looking forwards to going to family camp for the wknd! I hope to find rest, finish reading my book and go from there....

ZZzzzzzzz.......

Lately I think God has been trying to grow me in a different area. That of serving Him even when I am completely exhausted. Yes, I know, I have young kids, I am doing a lot it’s ok to not be the sister super-Christian. I have come to terms –rather begrudgingly that I cannot do everything. So, I am ok if the house doesn’t remain  immaculate, the Suburban still has chocolate milk that spilled in January somewhere in it & my kids wardrobes are about 3 months behind. But am I ok if because I am so tired that I don’t pray? Of all the things the Lord asks me, I think praying is pretty much the easiest. You don’t have to exert physical  energy or do anything really. If I can make a meal or help my kids I should be able to pray.

2 or so weeks ago our basement flooded. Our bedroom is downstairs and so we are now upstairs awaiting new flooring for downstairs, my daughter’s room is also in a similar situation. Things are in a state of upheaval. I didn’t pray or read for almost week! It was uncanny that week, every night we would get odd phone calls late at night (everyone knows we are usually in bed by 9), kids waking up with weird issues. In other words, every night was reduced to about 6 hours of broken sleep. On day 6, I was reading an email when I came across the quote from Samuel Chadwick (above). Now I don’t think prayer is the only thing the devil fears, but it’s definitely a huge one. In one week of sleeplessness I became relatively immobilized for the Kingdom. It says, “If you falter in times of trouble how small is your strength!” (Pr. 24:10) My strength should be from my Lord, not the number of hours of sleep I get. Do I sound insane? Perhaps too expectant of His supernatural power? Even to my own ears I do, but I think it’s just my black & white personality emerging –and I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad thing. To try and put my expectations in perspective I think about believers around the world I’ve heard about. I read about a mother in Indonesia who is up at 4:30 to spend time with Him before dealing with her children, working a full day & then coming home to stay up until midnight working on evangelical radio programs.  She said she the Lord gives her strength because He calls her to it. There are other stories, refugees, people in bonded labour who experiences are similar to this woman’s. Exhausted, yet persevering.  

First Post

Well.............I have to say I am new to this as you will soon discover. I actually only read my first blog yesterday and it was that persons first time as well. So, here goes nothing & to hoping it becomes a positive thing, not another extension of my to do list. Already I've wasted a good 3 hours pecking around on the computer trying to set this thing up. I hope to post 2-3x/wk but who knows. I think there's a certain vulnerability to being on here which is among the reasons I've thus far dismissed the urge to start. Forget that, I only live once and blogging isn't exactly living on the edge....I should be able to handle it :)