I think my blog title came from days like today. I know it's only 0619 but I've already been up for nearly 2 hrs. Do I want to be up? Not particularly. Unfortunately I couldn't get back to sleep when John got up for work. I feel blahhy, blechy, think I am fighting a cough or something. Right now silence reigns supreme in this house but I know at any minute that could change...then starts the daily grind. Daily demands for diaper changes, food, juice & queeries of "is my math marked yet?" and "what's for supper?" Vacuuming, running errands, doing some school, picking up from extra-curriculars. John will likely work until 5 & go to flight school @ 6, so I'm flying solo today!
Sometimes I just want to say uggghhh! I want a day off.
What would I do if I had a day off? Sometimes I wonder......
One possibility is packing up Grizwold & heading to K-Country. Go snowshoeing or something. Take some photos! Have lunch at this neat little healthy type cafe in Canmore (I forget the name of it). Drive home. Either in silence or with the radio cranked. I know it doesn't sound too exciting, but compared with the relative drudgery I find myself facing today it seems an oasis.
Hm....I hear steps. Now I hear a "mama, I want to watch a mooey" and "I want a ju-box" And the pantry door opening. So much for silence reigning supreme.
Or, I could send the kids to school for a day...pack up their little lunches and make sure they looked all cute & crisp & serenely wave goodbye as they head out the door. I would be free to spend uninterrupted time with Jana, I could do laundry, nap while she napped, clean, meal plan, whatever...and have freshly baked cookies & apple slices waiting their return to our humble abode....
But what I really need is to shake my head, re-evaluate my gratitude level for the things I have been blessed with & stop wishing for someone else's life.
I could say, "ughh, I have dishes to wash." Or I could say, "hey, I have dishes to wash! And food that went on them!" I know this sounds kind of laughable, but really. Isn't it laughable that I should think to complain? I am not a refugee from famine, drought or war, I can find gainful employment within walking distance if I need to, I have access to healthcare & don't have to worry if I have a sick child. I have the absolute privilege of educating my kids. I am trying to look at things in a larger perspective. I know my attitude needs some adjustment. I can say that I have been given so much, but like most things, it needs to re-submerge from the surface where head-knowledge lies to resonate with me on a deeper, more meaningful level. It's not that it doesn't, it just needs to stay there. I want to live in a true spirit of gratitude.
I think I wrote a post similar to this last winter. The essence of it was that it's doing the things He has seen fit for me to do at this time with a grace & to the best of my ability. Or, more accurately realize that I can't do things very well to the best of my ability, to quit trying to "be" a Christian & lay down my life, allowing the Holy Spirit to do His work through me.
Although sitting down & writing this morning was not on my list of things to do, I am glad I did. In writing this I have experienced a change in heart. Now if you will excuse me, there's a toddler on the couch who could use some cuddling.