This Morning

I think my blog title came from days like today. I know it's only 0619 but I've already been up for nearly 2 hrs. Do I want to be up? Not particularly. Unfortunately I couldn't get back to sleep when John got up for work. I feel blahhy, blechy, think I am fighting a cough or something. Right now silence reigns supreme in this house but I know at any minute that could change...then starts the daily grind. Daily demands for diaper changes, food, juice & queeries of "is my math marked yet?" and "what's for supper?" Vacuuming, running errands, doing some school, picking up from extra-curriculars. John will likely work until 5 & go to flight school @ 6, so I'm flying solo today!

Sometimes I just want to say uggghhh! I want a day off.

What would I do if I had a day off? Sometimes I wonder......

One possibility is packing up Grizwold & heading to K-Country. Go snowshoeing or something. Take some photos! Have lunch at this neat little healthy type cafe in Canmore (I forget the name of it). Drive home. Either in silence or with the radio cranked. I know it doesn't sound too exciting, but compared with the relative drudgery I find myself facing today it seems an oasis.

Hm....I hear steps. Now I hear a "mama, I want to watch a mooey" and "I want a ju-box" And the pantry door opening. So much for silence reigning supreme.

Or, I could send the kids to school for a day...pack up their little lunches and make sure they looked all cute & crisp & serenely wave goodbye as they head out the door. I would be free to spend uninterrupted time with Jana, I could do laundry, nap while she napped, clean, meal plan, whatever...and have freshly baked cookies & apple slices waiting their return to our humble abode....

But what I really need is to shake my head, re-evaluate my gratitude level for the things I have been blessed with & stop wishing for someone else's life.

I could say, "ughh, I have dishes to wash." Or I could say, "hey, I have dishes to wash! And food that went on them!" I know this sounds kind of laughable, but really. Isn't it laughable that I should think to complain? I am not a refugee from famine, drought or war, I can find gainful employment within walking distance if I need to, I have access to healthcare & don't have to worry if I have a sick child. I have the absolute privilege of educating my kids. I am trying to look at things in a larger perspective. I know my attitude needs some adjustment. I can say that I have been given so much, but like most things, it needs to re-submerge from the surface where head-knowledge lies to resonate with me on a deeper, more meaningful level. It's not that it doesn't, it just needs to stay there. I want to live in a true spirit of gratitude.

I think I wrote a post similar to this last winter. The essence of it was that it's doing the things He has seen fit for me to do at this time with a grace & to the best of my ability. Or, more accurately realize that I can't  do things very well to the best of my ability, to quit trying to "be" a Christian & lay down my life, allowing the Holy Spirit to do His work through me.

Although sitting down & writing this morning was not on my list of things to do, I am glad I did. In writing this I have experienced a change in heart. Now if you will excuse me, there's a toddler on the couch who could use some cuddling. 

Decisions, Divine timing & Discouragement

I really struggled for an apt title for this post. I didn't want to paint an all-roses atmosphere in following the Lords leading, but at the same time, don't want to empty the joy of obedience from decision making.....that being said let me speak to the last couple of weeks.....John has a hard job (reinforcing ironworker) which arguably is the most physically demanding work in construction. It takes a toll on his body. Enough said. We suspected at some point his work may have to change, but that raised a new set of questions; doing what? how? schooling? re-location? And, being a family of 6 on a single income how do we survive the transition? So we have talked and prayed off & on over the past few years looking mildly at various options, yet nothing presented itself clearly but more importantly we felt no leading from the Lord. Which in my mind says "stay put!"

Early December 2012 John had an MRI done on his knee. The results? Arthritis, a ruptured ACL, a miniscus that was mush, another headed towards mush & his tibia has shifted to compensate. We weren't altogether surprised, John has been this way since I've known him. We got a referral and the clogs are slowly turning to receive whatever treatment is necessary for his knee.

The last week of December  John & I were talking about a portion of a book I was reading on obedience to God. It was one of those really good, simple, sincere discussions that resulted in our genuine prayer for God's will in our lives & for direction. A good morning.

The next day (Dec 30th) was my side of the family's Christmas get-together. Anyhow, I was mentioning the MRI John had undergone & the forthcoming results to my uncle at Christmas and unbeknownst to me my mom overheard...

On Jan 2nd, the Lord awakened John up at early in the morning & impressed upon him to go for a walk with our dog, Grizwold.  During that walk John received clear direction that he should try to obtain his pilots license. It was also impressed upon him that he need not fear from perceived difficulties.

January 3rd, my mom calls. She said that she had overheard the conversation I had with my uncle & that her & my dad felt strongly that John needed a career change. And they would foot (some of) the bill. Wow! How's that for unexpected. We hadn't breathed a word to anyone about this. I told her about John looking at getting his private pilots license & the money was in our account the next day. Good timing as the next session of ground school offered at the Okotoks Air Ranch started Jan 8th -5 days later. His bosses had no problem with him no longer being available working Saturdays and were actually supportive of him. Amazing!


So now, here we are, January 13, 2013. What a crazy new year! I am starting to feel the extra work-load of him being gone & studying so much. We have discovered that pilots really don't make a lot (and by that I mean I we likely couldn't survive) for the first few years until you get on with a commercial airline. Or move up wayyy north. Both of which you need a commercial license for. ( = ++ $)

 So, not sure what the future holds or why we are being led this way. But we know He hold the future. And that is all that matters.